Small Space Living
For anyone new here, we live on board a small sailboat, our full living space is 12 metres by c4 metres at its widest - a pretty small space I'm sure you'll agree. Actually it's palatial in comparison to the first boat we lived on. The first 3 years we're spend on an even smaller vessel, 10 metres by 3.4 metres, with a separate rear cabin that effectively split the limited space even further. Essentially our actual living area was the galley, and the cockpit. Down below was around 4 metres by 3.4 - except a lot of the 3.4 was invaded by cupboards so it was even smaller. You get the idea, I think I have established I'm well and truly qualified to talk about small space living and it's challenges.
Thankfully I'm not physically claustrophobic by nature, what I am though is a creature who never responds well to feeling trapped - I guess mentally I get a little claustrophobic and I really appreciate alone time, it's no reflection on my husband, it's just quite essential to my mental wellbeing. In our old land life I worked conventional office hours, Ray worked continental shifts, 4 on (2x 12 hour days and 2x 12 hour night shifts) then 4 off. I therefore had the house, and the remote control, to myself pretty often. I also had plenty of other outlets, I had would spend quiet time at the stables daily, I went to the gym on my own and I saw my best friends reasonably regularly. I can tell you that the shift to together 24/7 and on top of each other to boot was one of the hardest challenges I've faced.
Initially I really struggled, 5 years in it's gotten somewhat easier, it is my normal now after all. As mentioned the new boat is considerably bigger, it's longer, wider and taller too giving an overall internal volume that's significantly better than the old model. I also work and have my own dedicated work space, and time, because he only interrupts me in an emergency. In the winter months I'll often head to a co-working spot or a cafe. Partly for a change of scenery, partly to allow him to get on with boat jobs without me being in the way, but mainly to have a bit of time to myself, it really does help me keep my sanity.
I'm not alone in this, in fact sadly many boat couples break up and often cite the pressure of being together 24/7, in what can be stressful conditions, as a large contributing factor. During the winter months, when we're moored up, we often have at least a few weeks apart. Ray returns to his old employer for the annual maintenance shutdown and I often try and book visits to my family at the same time. It would be better to take shorter, more regular breaks but that's almost impossible when we're sailing.
I'm actually supposed to be heading to London for a business event in September this year. I simply won't know until about a week before whether the logistics will work. It's reliant upon being a) In a location where I can leave OH to single hand the boat safely b) An airport within travel distance c) Available flights from said airport to London d) A weather forecast that makes me feel comfortable leaving him alone. I have everything tightly crossed, not least of all because if I make it that's 2 whole nights in a hotel room on my own - heaven!
There's a few ways I have engineered a little bit of space for myself. If, like me, you are someone who needs that from time to time perhaps it'll give you some inspiration. When we first set sail we had our dog, I tend to wake up earlier so I used to just get up and row the pooch ashore first thing in the morning,before it got too hot. We do have an outboard on the dinghy but I don't like using it, I prefer rowing, it's good exercise and far more calm and peaceful. It made for a great way for me to get a little bit of alone time to start the day nicely. I also swim a lot, I'm not a fast swimmer but I am quite a strong swimmer and have excellent endurance. I really enjoy exploring the anchorage from the water, this has the added benefit of giving me a little distance from the boat so if I am ever feeling like I need to get away I'll go for a dip. I also have a paddle board so will sometimes take myself off exploring on that too.
Sometimes it's not possible to get in the water, particularly if there's a current or if the wind is blowing hard, it's not fun and can even be quite risky. I have been known to tie the paddleboard to the back of the boat and go and lie on it with my book. It also doubles as a platform we can sit on, as a means to keep cool dangling our legs in the water, perfect for when it's too wild to swim but too hot to stay on board. Speaking of books, they are a great way to escape mentally, perfect if you can't physically go anywhere. As an added bonus people will seldom interrupt you when you are reading a book, it works like a totally organic 'Do Not Disturb' sign.
If you are having a different kind of small space adventure (looking at you vanlifers) then take yourself off for a walk or a coffee somewhere on your own. Don't be afraid to be honest with your significant other, it's perfectly healthy to enjoy your own company from time to time. My OH understands that I adore him, but sometimes I just need to be alone and it's not a reflection on his. You need to frame it in a way that they understand it's about your needs, nothing else. Having your needs met and not feeling mentally claustrophobic is going to be beneficial to both of you, especially in such a small space.
